We are living in a strange world these days.   Only those of us old enough to remember living during the second world war can claim they have lived through such a confusing time. While we are being asked to “stay home” to battle the coronavirus, the idea that we can’t even see it, know where it is lurking, causes even more panic.  While some of you feel frightened, many others seem to be in total denial, going about their business as though nothing is really happening, declaring their invincibility against this invader into our lives. My son was with such friends recently who laughed at his efforts to keep his hands free of germs and away from his face as we have been instructed.  Before the restaurants closed in my state, while he was out with two of his friends, one ridiculed him for his hand washing and then dramatically took his own hands and wiped them across his face and laughed.  Historically, a similar type of denial existed as the Nazis slowly infiltrated and took over country after country.  Some panicked while many remained in denial. This is a really important time to find the right balance in order to defeat this invader we now face.  How do you face this challenge?  I was just wondering…………………

                  We have been given guidelines and we should follow them.  If we don’t follow them, the virus will still spread and our healthcare system will be unable to handle this crisis.  You cannot just think about yourself, because your behavior will affect all of us, and ultimately yourself if you don’t follow the guidelines.  But we must also find productive ways to cope and continue to enjoy life through our dramatically changed world.  So, get the information you need and then turn off the news and go about your day!

                  Well, people, I am an extrovert, and if I can find a way to do this, then so can you! My first advice is to stay busy.  Stay in touch with your loved ones.  Talk on the phone often, meet for walks at a distance, communicate online.  Exercise, by walking, running, biking, or with your own home equipment. Dance! The movement combined with the music is exhilarating!  Practice yoga.  You can sign up for online classes or ask Alexa to open Yoga Studio.  Learn to meditate.  Alexa also has several programs for this. Read!  Find all those books you never had time for and dive in! Think of this as the relaxing vacation you always wanted. Reorganize your closets and prepare a donation box with all those things you don’t need and don’t wear anymore.  Enjoy the creative art of cooking again since you are no longer rushed to go here, there, and everywhere! Explore learning online.  Look up subjects you were always curious about and delve into making new discoveries! Try a new hobby, like painting, quilting, knitting, collecting, woodworking.  Try learning a musical instrument.  Play cards and games with the people you are hunkered down with and relish the beauty of their company. Begin learning another language online.  Watch some movies you never had time for. Organize your photos for an album or create a scrapbook.  Breathe!!  Go outside and savor the brush of the wind on your face as it frolics through your hair.  Sit in a sunbeam as spring arrives and watch as the flowers begin to bloom.  Clean up your yard.  Begin a garden. If you are lucky like me, visit the beach, and if you don’t have a beach, I’m sure you can find a lake or a pond to calm your senses. Symphony orchestras are streaming online and a friend shared that she just viewed an opera this way as well.  Take a virtual museum tour.  The possibilities are endless.

The Theatre of the Absurd can teach us some worthy lessons at this time.  There is something endlessly amusing about the absurdity of the human condition.  I recommend that you find humor wherever you can and that you laugh at the absurdity of life.  Laughter is healing and is the best medicine of all.  It will get you through this!  When I was 33, I became very ill with a puzzling illness. I was critically ill when I wound up in a major Boston hospital. I spent a month there recovering from major surgery.  I had the best roommate!  We laughed at everything.  We laughed until our surgical scars hurt!  We laughed when we pressed the call button and no one came.  We laughed at everything that went wrong and also at everything that went right. Yes, you can laugh during hard times!  Norman Cousins explains in Anatomy of an Illness how he overcame a terminal illness by laughing himself silly from watching old Marx Brothers movies. Laughter stimulates the production of enkephalins and endorphins, our natural brain opiates.  It also boots our immune system, an important contributor to stress reduction.

  Try journaling.  I began my own journal March 14th, the first day after my last hurrah out at a restaurant.  I am calling it Captive’s Log and I look forward to seeing what I will learn from this experience. This is also a useful tool for feeling expression during this challenging time.  Journaling is an excellent tool for reflection, and what better time for a little soul searching than now? Consider how your life has recently changed, and while there are many things that you may miss, consider what new opportunities have entered your life. Also, consider which things you used to do that no longer feel important. Really do some thinking about the direction you would like your life to take!  This is an opportunity that we don’t often have the time to think about. And during your contemplation, try to focus on gratitude.  Those of you who have families with you during this “shelter-in” have a bounty of good fortune right before you. Keep a gratitude list and add to it every day.  Focus on what you have, not on what you can’t have or can’t do right now. There are worse things than this.

If all else fails and you begin to feel depressed or discouraged, go into your bathroom, force a smile on your face, and look at yourself in the mirror.  There is something magical about meeting yourself in the mirror with a smile. It will cast away all doubt and fear as the knowing part of you understands the frailty and absurdity, and ultimately knows that all will be well.  This too shall pass, and like everything in life, is another opportunity for learning.                                   

Can you see this opportunity that life is presenting you?  Can you banish your fear and be open to new ideas? Can you take a balanced approach and meet the challenge that is facing us?  Can you contribute to the human team with equanimity?  Mostly this crisis is bringing out the best in us. We are uniting as one human family to help one another.  Can you meet this challenge with courage, clarity, and determination?  I was just wondering………………………..

Sometimes when I have done presentations I like to use a meditation to make a point.  It goes something like this. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Imagine that I am going to the refrigerator.  I open the door and open one of the smaller drawers. I take out something roundish and yellow. I look at it carefully, noting the vibrant color, the dimpled skin.  I rub my fingers over the slightly bumpy surface, immersing myself in the texture. I hold the object to my nose and gently inhale. I put it on the cutting board and slice it in half.  I watch as droplets of juice squirt from it. I take one half to my mouth and sink my teeth into it. At this point usually everyone in the class grimaces or shudders. I do not have to tell you it is a lemon.  And you do not have to bite into a real lemon to experience the sensation of actually biting a real lemon. Your mind and body will respond to what you are visualizing just as it would to the actual behavior.   This is a powerful example of how we react physiologically to what we think about.  Are you aware of what your mind is usually thinking about? Have you considered that if you are in a bad mood, that you may be thinking unpleasant thoughts?  Did you know that you can change your mood by changing the channel in your mind? I was just wondering…………………..

I want to illustrate to you the powerful effect your mind has on your body. For instance, in Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder), individuals respond to stimuli in very diverse ways.  One personality may be allergic to poison ivy, while another is not. One personality may be diabetic, yet others are not! Even more compelling, handwriting is different depending on the personality in control. These differences are accounted for by the differing belief systems in each of the personalities.  This is also illustrative of the power of the mind!

Other studies have demonstrated the physiological response of our bodies to events that we look at or watch, even though we are not physically participating.  Blood pressure and heart rate responses have been measured to be similar to those actually participating in the events. Even photos of emotionally expressive individuals can elicit a similar feeling and physiological response to the individual in the photo.  It is our ability to be empathic that allows us to connect to another in a similar feeling state. We are able to feel their pain or their joy. We share a similar physiological response with them. My mother and I always used to cry at weddings, sharing in thought the emotional joy of those at the altar.  Just seeing it in someone else could elicit in us the overwhelming happiness observed in the couple. There are innumerable daily events when we experience a reaction like this. It may come from the smile of a baby, which transports us to the same place, or the sadness in a loved one, which makes us sad too.  Our observation of these events affects our physiological bodies in ways similar to which we would respond if the event had occurred directly to us!

But here is the crux of the matter.  Even when we are not watching anything, reading anything, talking to someone, or participating in anything outside of ourselves, these same physiological responses are still going on.  They are reactions to what we are thinking about! If we spend our days entertaining ourselves with negative thoughts, then this will affect our immune systems in a negative way, and we will feel unhappy, perhaps helpless, maybe angry.  If we focus on positive thoughts and opportunities, then our immune systems will remain balanced and we will feel happy, fulfilled. When something bad or annoying happens, make a joke of it and laugh. When I had abdominal surgery years ago, my roommate and I laughed at everything, including our pathetic helpless situations!  We laughed when nurses didn’t come and we both laughed ourselves right back to healing! A friend called me this morning and in the middle of a trying work day, she stopped at Starbucks for a coffee and on her way out the door, the person ahead of her let the door slam into her and her coffee spilled all over her into her underwear!  She called me and we both laughed. Learn to see life as an adventure that will always have a new episode. See the humor in the human experience. Especially laugh at yourself!

So when you find yourself thinking of figurative lemons, quickly change the channel to one with happy thoughts and positive outcomes. Try to find the humor in the human condition.  Understand that your physiological body is reacting to your thoughts, so that in order to experience homeostasis and health, it is important to rebalance as quickly as possible. We will all have moments of sadness, disappointment.  Try to make them as short as possible. Are you willing to practice this to make your life better? I was just wondering………………………

In recent years, we have become more aware of the neuroplasticity of our brains and how our thoughts and feelings are affected by not only what we are taught, but also, by everything we are exposed to during a day.  In other words, learning is occurring all the time.  The brain never shuts off.  Whatever we are exposing it to, it is processing.  Much of what we are processing we are not even aware of.  Think of it like a movie camera.  It is constantly taking pictures of what it sees, and recording what it hears, and all of that information is not only stored, but also organized, helping to create our thoughts and beliefs.  This information creates networks or “roads,” which are then available to communicate this data.  This film that your brain is recording is the unconscious lesson that we constantly receive.  How aware are you of exactly what kind of film you are creating every day?  For instance, what did your brain learn today?  I was just wondering………………….

Of course, we all know that we are educated in our schools and we are also taught lessons by our families.  Our culture is also a major influence of our beliefs and values.  We learn this not from books and not necessarily through instruction, but by viewing what our neighbors do, how they behave, how they dress, and how they think about things in general.  If we are never really exposed to another culture, then we will most likely remain unchanged.  However, the more we expose ourselves to, the more this information is synthesized in our brains and we become fuller than we were and different from the people with whom we grew up.

We also learn from the media we watch and listen to and our opinions get formed this way.  Our brains create a neural pathway for these thoughts and beliefs. The stronger the belief, the more deeply entrenched is the neural pathway.  Divergent thoughts become difficult to hold onto because the neural network is heavily influenced by what information goes into it.  It becomes slanted by the information to which we expose ourselves. This is why it is so difficult for us to see things from another viewpoint.  It is also the reason that once we have formed an opinion of another person, it is very difficult for us to view them in a different way when contradictory information is received.

Fears are developed when we tell ourselves over and over again that we are afraid of something.  Every time we are faced with the feared object, we reinforce it with our thought system.  This eventually creates a really intensely rutted “road,” one which we are unable to escape.  The good news is that fears can be overcome with self- talk.   I did this experiment on myself years ago to overcome my fear of flying.  Filled with fear, I booked a flight four months in advance.  Then, every time I drove somewhere, I talked to myself about how I loved flying, how everyone else likes it, that if all these other people can do it, I can do it and so on. I talked about looking out the window, enjoying the take-off and landing and every aspect of the trip I could imagine.   Also, I made a point of doing this orally in order to overcome any lingering fearful thoughts that might try to creep into my head.  When you are speaking, you whole brain has to focus on the words you are saying.  The morning of my flight I remember feeling somewhat zombie-like.  There was no fear.  I just got on to the plane and enjoyed the trip.  My fear of flying for 29 years was overcome through self-talk!  Through my own self talk effort, my brain listened and created a new neural pathway that loved, instead of feared flying!

Because your brain is listening and recording all of the time, it is really important to try to become more consciously aware of those “drifting” thoughts.  Try to do a periodic check-in to determine what’s really going into your brain.  What are you thinking about?  Is it a healthy thought?  Is it productive for you?  Are you terrorizing yourself?  Are you making yourself depressed or anxious by obsessing over something in the past or in the future?  Learn to change the movie channel if your thoughts are unhelpful.  Avoid negative thinking so that your brain will not create neural pathways that will be difficult to overcome.

Instead, practice affirmations and positive self talk.  It will never harm you to think positively, but it could harm you if you continue to let negative thinking persist.  Stress caused by negative and worrisome thoughts is the progenitor of illness.  That’s right!  Thinking bad thoughts can actually make you ill!  Your self talk may also be a determining factor of your success.  Remember, your computer brain is actually uploading your self-talk data and will create your belief system about yourself.  If you are already lacking confidence, then use verbal affirmations to begin to overcome it by creating a new neural pathway for success.  If you want to better understand your moods, then just listen to your self-talk.  Make sure that your brain is being fed information that is nourishing for your mind and soul.  Are you willing to make the effort to improve your thinking?  I was just wondering…………………………………

Recently a new friend I met at my yoga class invited me to attend a tango dance class with her and her husband.  I thanked her but felt I would decline.  While I love to dance, I didn’t really feel that tango would be my thing.  Also, I did not have a partner to accompany me and I wasn’t sure what to expect.  Besides, it was cold out, and it would be dark and even colder that evening when the class was scheduled.  I put it out of my mind and went about my business for the day.  As the hour for the class approached, I thought more about reconsidering.  After all, I’d swung across the Costa Rican jungle on a zip line; I swam with sharks, giant turtles, and stingrays in Bora Bora; and I braved the mosquito and snake infested Amazon.  What could be so challenging about a little tango? When opportunity knocks, I usually open the door.  What do you do?  Do you fear what is on the other side?  I was just wondering………………

The instructors were the real deal, all the way from Argentina! We spent about the first 20 minutes just listening to their explanation of the dance.  As I scoped out the room, I was surprised to see there were as many men in attendance as women and there seemed to be very few people paired up like my friends.  This was comforting, as I was not the only solo in the group.  Following the warm-up talk, we were told to find a partner and then we were instructed how to position our feet.  It seemed I was back in ballet class, except it wasn’t first, second, third, or fourth position, but duck feet position!  Yes, heels together and toes pointing out and away from one another, creating a V.  In this position, we had to practice “waddling” backwards.  At least that is what it felt like!  Waddling! Without falling, that is!  Seriously! After a little practice at this, we were told to get into hold with our partners, hands on shoulders of one another, and then together to move with our duck feet!  For the women, this meant being pushed backwards while the male “lead” had the more convenient forward duck walk position.  I can assure you I never envisioned tango as a duck walk! So, we did a bit of practice while switching partners several times.  Each partner was very polite, introduced himself, and appeared equally unsure of himself.  Then a man with icy blue eyes approached me, grabbed my shoulders, quickly took command and began rapidly and assuredly pushing me backwards.  I noticed he had an accent and I was going to ask where he was from, but he was all business.  No smile, no friendly handshake, no name! I began to sweat (something I almost NEVER do), as I stumbled backward, trying desperately to keep apace!  Then his mouth opened as he commanded me to stop wiggling my butt!  Next, he ordered me to stand very straight, like I was tied to a post!  Now with duck feet, I was being pushed backwards rapidly while pretending I was tied to a tree! OMG!  This was much more frightening than the zip line! And this guy was definitely not someone I wanted to meet in a back alley!  While he was quite good looking, those icy eyes and cold demeanor just had a way of turning me into jelly, and I don’t mean the lustful kind, but jelly like when you feel too helpless to save yourself!

When this practice period thankfully ended, I rushed back to my friend for comfort and to share with her my unsettling experience.  As I described the guy, her eyes widened and she gasped, “Oh, you mean the Russian!?”  Well that explained it!  He must still be mentally living in the “cold war” or else he just had to be a Russian spy!  My friend went on to explain that he has actually been an instructor as well.  He is definitely not one I would voluntarily sign up for!

So, back to the question at hand. As I previously stated, I generally respond when opportunities present themselves to me.  You are probably giving yourself ammunition not to answer that knock by assuming that I regret having opened this door, that I never should have gone, that it was a wasted, uncomfortable experience.  Wrong!  I welcome it all.  How do you ever learn if you don’t experience?  In fact, the very best education in life is experiential.  When you actually participate in something, you retain a fuller learning experience and you also tend not to forget it.  You also learn what you like and what you don’t like.  For instance, I like to dance, but tango is probably not my forte, but I would never really know that if I hadn’t tried it. I suspect that my tendency to wiggle may be more conducive to salsa. On the other hand, sometimes we reject things that we really don’t know enough about or understand, which, if given an opportunity to experience, may result in a different outcome.  Besides the experience itself that you may question, you will have the opportunity to meet new people, make new connections, and open the door for even more opportunities! Try things!  Experience life to the fullest! It is the only way you will really know what you like instead of imagining what you may or may not enjoy.  It is also the best way to make discoveries about yourself!

As for me, I not only learned first-hand about tango, I met a Russian with icy blue eyes, I met some other very pleasant people, and I learned I don’t really want to pursue more tango.  But best of all, I had an experience that is unforgettable, and now I have a funny story to tell!  I am glad I opened that door.  What about you?  What will you do the next time opportunity knocks?  Will you try something new or will you have a lot of excuses?  Will you overcome a fear?  Will you open that door?  I was just wondering…………….

I’m not a big fan of the grocery store.  I like to go in, get what is on the list, and be done with it!  My husband, on the other hand, is enamored.  He loves to go there, spend some quality time, smell the melons, squeeze the tomatoes, carefully check the color on the bananas, sort through the fresh corn, look over the muffin choices, check out the desserts, ponder over the ice cream flavors, check out the nut choices, and finish in the candy aisle.  As you can see, he has a predilection for lots of bad stuff he shouldn’t be eating, but that’s another story.  Me, I grab the list, get my stuff, and I dance in the aisles while I wait for him to check out.  It’s not that I especially like grocery store music, but if I am standing, and music is playing, my body simply begins to move with it.  I can’t help it!  Sometimes I can be caught doing the yoga tree pose or even yoga airplane if I have a wide aisle.  Hey, it helps my balance, and I have nothing else to do while I am waiting.  I especially practice this while in the checkout line.  It really helps not to get irritated with waiting!  This true confession may leave you thinking I might be a little crazy. What’s wrong with that, I ask?  Can you consider adding a little bit of craziness to your life?  The organic crazy, not the drug induced kind.

So, let’s go with I may be a little crazy.  If you really think this is a bit crazy, you may be way too inhibited!  If you are constantly worrying about what other people are thinking of you, this also suggests you are probably too inhibited!  If you think people are staring at you or judging you, again, you are perhaps too inhibited.  And even worse, you are undoubtedly not having much fun throughout your day.  Instead you are too busy worrying rather than being able to focus on the moment and enjoy the “now.”  And strangely enough, those people you are worrying about judging you are actually way too busy worrying about themselves to really even notice you!  Eckhart Tolle, who wrote The Power of Now, advises, “Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.”  We need to unshackle ourselves, and stop taking ourselves so seriously.

Have you ever seriously considered why alcohol and other recreational drugs are so popular?  The reason is that they give us the high that frees us up to be ourselves and enjoy ourselves.  Did you realize that you can actually achieve this state without ingesting one mood altering substance?  I want you to ask yourself why it is ok to be uninhibited if you are ingesting a drug, but not if you are sober?  What is the difference?  We must wonder about the message that our culture given us about spontaneity that makes us fear it.  Can you only set yourself free if you are high?  Many years ago, I used to sing Paul Simon’s famous tune, “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover,” to encourage myself to end a relationship.  These lyrics can be useful to encourage us to slip out of our protective gear and get our SELVES free!  It is wonderfully relieving to remove that defensive protective armor.   It is so much more fun than sitting in a bar, drinking alcohol. Instead, as Paul Simon suggests, “Just get yourself free!”

There are actually many positive reasons for becoming less inhibited.  As we allow ourselves to be more spontaneous, we become more creative.  Our brains become more flexible and our neural connections are enhanced in new ways.  Because we are less blocked, we can become more aware, more sensorily awakened.  Because we are not so blocked, we may see and hear things in an entirely different way. We may also feel more energetic because the freedom will allow us to be less stifled by our natural defensive armoring.  We will also feel happier, because a little dose of disinhibition will create a natural high through the release of our own endorphins and enkephalins. This happiness can be contagious and may infect those around you, compounding the spontaneous feelings of well-being.  This sense of well-being will also include the benefit of stress reduction, and stress reduction is the very best preventive medicine from illness. For those interested in the effects of stress on overall health, I highly recommend The Stress of Life and Stress and Distress by Hans Selye.

I recommend that you practice a little “naughtiness” every day.  Stretch your boundaries of impropriety, dare to be different, practice being authentic within your own skin.  Famous Humanistic Psychologist Carl Rogers said, “What is most personal is most general.”   We don’t have to fear being human in all of its expressions, as deep inside, we all know the same uncertainties.  Helen Keller, who was deaf and blind stated, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing!  If Helen Keller could experience life in this way then anyone can.  Throw off your shoes, be a little improper, find a way to enjoy every moment, and seek your adventure!  And the next time you go to the grocery store, if you see me dancing in the aisles, will you dance with me?  I was just wondering……..